Another term that’s been surfacing in my resilience research is “self-care.”
The term was coined in the 1950s by the medical community and used to describe patients’ role in long-term care. It has since been co-opted to reference everything from spa packages and collagen smoothies to retreats, face peels and meditation apps.
In her book Real Self-Care, board-certified psychiatrist Pooja Lakshmin explores what she calls, “the tyranny of faux self-care.” She proposes that mislabeling and misunderstanding have turned the concept of self-care into a source of pressure and expense for an already-stressed-out audience.
Lakshmin notes that many women in her practice gravitate toward temporary self-care “fixes,” attributing this to broken cultural systems and what she calls a “social and cultural betrayal.”
This betrayal, which she detailed in a NY Times column discussing working mothers during the pandemic, includes the imbalanced mental load women carry, (see Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play for more), paired with paradoxical expectations of modern womanhood. (This reminded me of America Ferrara’s character’s powerful monologue in the Barbie Movie.)
Lakshmin argues that true self-care requires dismantling the system from the inside — through challenging, introspective work like self-compassion, boundary setting, values identification and alignment, paired with action planning. She writes:
“…individual changes inspire and give permission for more women to make their own internal shifts, which in turn puts pressure on the system to reorganize.”
It’s not an easy or quick fix, Lakshmin explains, but the payoff is profound, moving us away from (often expensive, time-consuming, and superficial) “escapist,” “achievement,” and “optimization” mindsets, and towards lasting growth…and potential societal change.
💡Why this matters: If you’re looking to boost your resilience but are solely relying on daily runs, girls’ (or boys’) weekends, or pricey bath bombs for self-care, you’ll likely find yourself back in the same place days, weeks, or months down the road.
While these activities can offer healthy in-the-moment relief, Lakshmin argues that they won’t solve for the deeper issues at play.
Instead, she suggests strategies like self-compassion, boundary setting and values work–activities that can meaningfully and sustainably change our lives, and by extension, our workplaces and communities.
While I’m not an expert on resilience (yet!), I’m committed to showing up and sharing what I’m learning from my research to help — whether you’re working on your own resilience, or you’re being asked to help your loved ones, your teams or your organizations get better and faster at bouncing back, adapting, and growing.
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist …I’m a voracious reader, leader, certified executive coach, and communications pro who is intensely curious about resilience and burnout and how it’s playing out in our workplaces and lives today. If you’re struggling with your mental health, please seek out a qualified professional.
